Day 6 : Not Feeling It

I think one of the biggest reasons I started this blog was to find people to talk to, to hopefully make some good online friends that I can chat with when I want to, and who genuinely like me and like me being around, even if it's just online and on their websites and their email inboxes. I haven't been feeling much love from my "friends" lately at all.

I have been left out of things so much and so often lately, I think I am starting to develop a complex about. Like people are conspiring and talking behind my back about me, like they don't really like me around or like my company but they aren't big enough to just come right out and say it. In the past two weeks I have missed: a lunch hosted by my best friend, who never calls me on the weekends, a bachelorette party that I wasn't told about until the day before when it was too late to ask for a baby sitter, a trip to Six Flags that no one cared to invite me to because they were planning on going on a weekday and I work weekdays (obviously not knowing I'd love to take a day off of work to ride some rollercoasters, something I love to do but haven't been able to do in years because last summer I got boned out of a lot of trips also) and finally, having a place to stay at a wedding of a friend I am going to next weekend. Again, my friends, my "best" friend included, all booked hotel rooms for themselves and didn't even ask if I wanted to share a room, and didn't even let me know that they were booking them. So now, I might be the ONLY one of our friends at this wedding with no place to stay. I've already been told by people that it doesn't matter anyway because we will probably be up all night partying, but what about after? I get to sleep on the floor of someones room, because no one thought of me?

I never realized how completely FORGETTABLE I am until recently. I've never felt so lonely, lost, and left out of things by people who I thought were my best friends. I just don't get it. I don't know what's happened, and I'm actually afraid to talk about it with my friends because I think already that they will say I am overreacting and that if I want to be included more I should come out more. Well, I come out as much as I can. It's a little hard to have a social life when you are a single parent, but I suppose not many people think about that, because all the "single" parent friends I have have boyfriends or girlfriends anyway. But not me. All alone.

What a depressing state of affairs I am in. I plan on going down to the coffee shop downtown in a little bit to sit there and write my zombie story for as long as I can before dinner, and hopefully doing something productive will make me feel better, and maybe I'll get to talk to someone at least.

You'd think that with all the time I spend by myself I would be a little more productive with my writing and get something done, maybe get something published one of these days. I guess we shall see. I guess I should just stop watching TV so much and get more down to the business of writing, but again, another complaint: My hands, wrists, and arms have really been starting to hurt me a lot lately with all the writing I actually have been doing, which isn't a whole lot, but it's certainly a lot more than usual. Oh, no carpal tunnel for me, please. Please. Please.

Maybe more later tonight, maybe not. If so, let's hope, you and me, that it's a little more uplifting than this.