You like that post from yesterday? The one that just said "lazy" and nothing else? That was cool, huh? I posted that from bed, from my iPhone, because all I wanted to do was read Moby Dick in bed and I just didn't want to let one day go by without posting. Totally accomplished! It counts even if it's one word.
Oddly enough, there doesn't seem to be an iPhone app for Blogger/Blogspot. Whaaa? That just doesn't seem right. Because this whole thing would be a lot easier if there were one; trying to navigate this in my phone's browser sucks.
My mom is doing well, still in a lot of pain, but hanging in there, thank God. I, on the other hand, am broke. I'm about to transfer $200 from my savings into my checking account, something I hate to do and rarely do, but I have no choice. Being poor makes me sad. I'm not exaggerating, I'm poor. I'm am living below the poverty line. Have any idea what that is like? Let me tell you, it's not as hard as it sounds, but it still sucks. One of these days I might break it down for you, what I make a month and what I spend a month on bills. I usually have about $300 left over after paying all my bills to buy food, gas, and whatever else I need. Good thing I work close to where I live or the gas might drive me under. I do live paycheck to paycheck, I only usually get about $50 a month into savings, if I am lucky, that is, and have any money left over. You know what the hardest part is, as trite as it sounds? Not being able to take vacations with Squido. When I was a kid, my mom took me on vacations all the time - twice a year at least. In the summer we would go to Cape Cod or Block Island, in the winters we would go to Disneyworld. On weekends she'd take me to Boston to the children's museum and the Boston Aquarium, or we would go to fairs, the circus... it was great. I had a great childhood, and I wish I could give Squido the kind of fun times that I had, but I can't afford it. My grandparents live in Florida only two hours away from Orlando, and they keep asking me to bring Squido down to see them this year, and I just don't know how I can. I don't know if I want to spend my tax return on it. To take a weeks vacation is missing a week's work, so I'd be behind on bills, and the stress of that... would it make it worth it?
You know what? I don't feel like complaining today. I had a good day. I'm going to just stop now.
Day 12 : On Organs and Such
Well, things didn't go well for my mom today. She's a moron, and she waited way too long to take care of a problem she knew she had. She first started getting pains in her gallbladder at least four months ago, was told that she should schedule a surgery to get it removed...and she didn't. Two more trips to the ER, the last one was this past Wednesday, and still she goes home in the wee hours of the morning rather than waiting to be admitted on first shift, because my sister was supposed to be flying out to California with some friends on Saturday, and she wanted to wait to schedule anything til she was gone. Well, Monday morning she drives herself to the ER, and get this, she left the house FIVE MINUTES AFTER MY DAD LEFT FOR WORK, because she didn't want to bother him about it. !!!
So today my mom spiked a fever of 102, they finally take her into surgery at three pm, and at quarter after five when my dad finally calls me at work to tell me how things went, he tells me that the artery supplying blood to her gallbladder was completely blocked off, there was NO bloodflow to the organ, and it had died. It was dead. It had necrosis and was rotting in her body. So, the simple laproscopic surgery turned into cutting her open some more so they could it out, and then clean out her abdominal cavity to make sure none of the icky infection spread. I went to go visit her late tonight, and they aren't going to let her out of the hospital until her fever is gone and they can make sure she fights off the infection. It was still 102 when I left.
O.M.G.
I think the moral of the story is - something I have known and believed in for quite a long time - when you have PAIN in your body, that's your body telling you that something is very, very wrong. We shouldn't have pain! Ever! The slightest pain is telling you that there is harm, however slight or severe, coming to your body, so DON'T IGNORE IT!
The doctor apparently shook his head at my dad and said "She really should have come in and done this sooner," like he knew that she knew waiting was a bad idea. Ugh, it's so annoying, because I love my mom so much, SO MUCH, and I couldn't bear to lose her. It just pisses me off that she is careless with her health, and I really feel like saying so, like she needs to hear it.
On a lighter note, my mom was so over-the-moon on morphine when I saw her post-op, she was saying crazy things. I asked her if they had talked about when they were going to be getting her up out of bed and she said:
"Oh, I already got up out of bed, I had to pee in the operating room so I got up and went to the bathroom."
My dad and I just gave each other a raised eyebrow look and said "Okaaaaaay."
Later, we were talking about my gallbladder surgery and she said, her voice SO slurred: "They didn't do to me what they did to you."
"What was that?" I asked her.
"They didn't take out my appendix too."
???
I said "Whaaat?"
And she said "Yeah, they took your appendix out, you don't need it anyway they always take it out when you get your gallbladder out, but they don't do that anymore."
Well, if my surgeon snatched my appendix when I wasn't looking, this is the first I heard about it.
I think it was just the morphine talking, so I am going to ask her again tomorrow when she (hopefully) is feeling a little better, but dang. It's making me wonder whether I should call my doctor or not, and ask whether I was robbed of an organ, useless one or not.
So today my mom spiked a fever of 102, they finally take her into surgery at three pm, and at quarter after five when my dad finally calls me at work to tell me how things went, he tells me that the artery supplying blood to her gallbladder was completely blocked off, there was NO bloodflow to the organ, and it had died. It was dead. It had necrosis and was rotting in her body. So, the simple laproscopic surgery turned into cutting her open some more so they could it out, and then clean out her abdominal cavity to make sure none of the icky infection spread. I went to go visit her late tonight, and they aren't going to let her out of the hospital until her fever is gone and they can make sure she fights off the infection. It was still 102 when I left.
O.M.G.
I think the moral of the story is - something I have known and believed in for quite a long time - when you have PAIN in your body, that's your body telling you that something is very, very wrong. We shouldn't have pain! Ever! The slightest pain is telling you that there is harm, however slight or severe, coming to your body, so DON'T IGNORE IT!
The doctor apparently shook his head at my dad and said "She really should have come in and done this sooner," like he knew that she knew waiting was a bad idea. Ugh, it's so annoying, because I love my mom so much, SO MUCH, and I couldn't bear to lose her. It just pisses me off that she is careless with her health, and I really feel like saying so, like she needs to hear it.
On a lighter note, my mom was so over-the-moon on morphine when I saw her post-op, she was saying crazy things. I asked her if they had talked about when they were going to be getting her up out of bed and she said:
"Oh, I already got up out of bed, I had to pee in the operating room so I got up and went to the bathroom."
My dad and I just gave each other a raised eyebrow look and said "Okaaaaaay."
Later, we were talking about my gallbladder surgery and she said, her voice SO slurred: "They didn't do to me what they did to you."
"What was that?" I asked her.
"They didn't take out my appendix too."
???
I said "Whaaat?"
And she said "Yeah, they took your appendix out, you don't need it anyway they always take it out when you get your gallbladder out, but they don't do that anymore."
Well, if my surgeon snatched my appendix when I wasn't looking, this is the first I heard about it.
I think it was just the morphine talking, so I am going to ask her again tomorrow when she (hopefully) is feeling a little better, but dang. It's making me wonder whether I should call my doctor or not, and ask whether I was robbed of an organ, useless one or not.
Day 11 : Quickly, Quickly!
Very quick post tonight, here are the highlights of my day:
- At work, I found out from my hired design team that the design and programming were totally finished, so basically that means the new store is ready to go live as soon as I upload all of my spreadsheets, write blurbs for each section page, and pick out featured items. I would say that would normally be two days of work. I was so excited to hear it! I was psyched to be almost ready and couldn't wait to get started uploading my spreadsheets and working with the new backend/design on the store! But then, however..
- As soon as I got off the phone with the programmer, I heard from my sister that my mother was being admitted to the hospital to have her gallbladder removed. This isn't such a surprise, she was actually supposed to call and make an appointment with a surgeon today to schedule the operation, but evidently the pain got too bad this morning and mom drove herself to the ER, that stubborn woman, and DIDN'T THINK TO CALL ME ALL DAY! So I left work three hours early, drove to the hospital, and tried to chew her out for not letting me know what was going on, but she was too doped up on morphine to seem to care. As of now (9.50pm) I still don't know exactly when her surgery is going to be, other than sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Day 10 : Kids These Days
I'm still really annoyed with the internet connection problem, and the fact that I didn't have one yesterday. Granted I only wrote a short post because I had a very full day, still. There's this thing I'm trying to do here.
Anyway, Squido got droppd off at nine and we shortly thereafter went to my friend Brit's house. Brit has a daughter about the same age as Squido and they have been playing together at least once a month since they were babies, but evidently in the last month or so, Squido has lost her ability to share. Scratch that. She's lost her ability to be sweet, reasonable, kind, and good. They fought most of the day, which I wasn't surprised about at all. I was just surprised that Squido actually let me hold Brit's baby, a two month old boy! I was sure Squido would be completely jealous and not let me get near him, but my god, she actually gave me a break for two seconds and excused the fact I was holding another child. Thought the day would never come.
However, the day went completely downhill from there. Squido walked through our door after leaving Brits, and immediatley went into meltdown mode, and every little thing she said came out as a whine for the rest of the night. That's right, from about 3pm til now, 8pm, whine whine cry cry whine scream cry tantrum whine scream scream scream cry whine whine. You get the idea? Is this normal? Moms out there, please answer me! Is it normal for a 3.5 year old girl do nothing but argue and cry and whine FOR NO REASON? Or is my child broken. I just want to find the right people to go to, raise my hand and say: "I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I thought this was a child, but evidently it's a whine-demon." Remember a few posts ago when I told you how Squido's vocabulary was exploding and she knew all sorts of new big words and could use them correctly? Today I heard (multiple times) "I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, MOMMY!!" And yes, caps were required, because she screamed it at me. Every single time.
I think it's that time I leave my history books behind and go hardcore into parenting books until I find a way to figure her out. I am not sure how much longer either of us can live in the misery that is her moods. I really hate that I feel like resorting to parenting-help books to figure out how to raise my child, but there are no bones being thrown at me here, it's all just a guessing game and all my guesses are wrong.
Does anyone have any books or articles you could recommend to me to help me out with dealing with a willful, disobediant 3.5 year old? Or, could you start off by telling me whether at 3.5 years of age I should expect even a little bit of obedience, of listening to what I tell her and having her do it?
Please. Help. Me.
Anyway, Squido got droppd off at nine and we shortly thereafter went to my friend Brit's house. Brit has a daughter about the same age as Squido and they have been playing together at least once a month since they were babies, but evidently in the last month or so, Squido has lost her ability to share. Scratch that. She's lost her ability to be sweet, reasonable, kind, and good. They fought most of the day, which I wasn't surprised about at all. I was just surprised that Squido actually let me hold Brit's baby, a two month old boy! I was sure Squido would be completely jealous and not let me get near him, but my god, she actually gave me a break for two seconds and excused the fact I was holding another child. Thought the day would never come.
However, the day went completely downhill from there. Squido walked through our door after leaving Brits, and immediatley went into meltdown mode, and every little thing she said came out as a whine for the rest of the night. That's right, from about 3pm til now, 8pm, whine whine cry cry whine scream cry tantrum whine scream scream scream cry whine whine. You get the idea? Is this normal? Moms out there, please answer me! Is it normal for a 3.5 year old girl do nothing but argue and cry and whine FOR NO REASON? Or is my child broken. I just want to find the right people to go to, raise my hand and say: "I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I thought this was a child, but evidently it's a whine-demon." Remember a few posts ago when I told you how Squido's vocabulary was exploding and she knew all sorts of new big words and could use them correctly? Today I heard (multiple times) "I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, MOMMY!!" And yes, caps were required, because she screamed it at me. Every single time.
I think it's that time I leave my history books behind and go hardcore into parenting books until I find a way to figure her out. I am not sure how much longer either of us can live in the misery that is her moods. I really hate that I feel like resorting to parenting-help books to figure out how to raise my child, but there are no bones being thrown at me here, it's all just a guessing game and all my guesses are wrong.
Does anyone have any books or articles you could recommend to me to help me out with dealing with a willful, disobediant 3.5 year old? Or, could you start off by telling me whether at 3.5 years of age I should expect even a little bit of obedience, of listening to what I tell her and having her do it?
Please. Help. Me.
Day 9 : Doctor's Note From AT&T
To whom it may concern:Here is the post I wrote yesterday, damn AT&T!!!
Ms. Anonymous could not get her post online on Saturday, August 1, because her internet connection was down. This is due to the fact that AT&T totally sucks her balls, and she loses service completely at least once a week, even though she pays a hefty $50 a month for said internet service. Ms. Anonymous has since given me, AT&T, an ass whooping, and now we are back to our regularly scheduled posting.
~AT&T
So far today has been a better day than most I have had lately, and it's not over yet! Squido's grandmother has been watching her since one this afternoon, and in that time, I have done the following things:
- Walked downtown to my favorite coffee shop and unexpectedly met up with a bunch of my friends
- Walked to the Tavern for a lunchtime beer and delicious cheeseburger - only costing me $6.00!!! Woohoo what a steal!
- Walked farther downtown with two friends, windowshopping and playing tourist in our own town. I bought three things on our journey: A wallet made by women in Ghana out of plastic bags from the Free Trade Store, a string of flat green shells I want to hang in my room, and a teeshirt from the Salvation Army store that has Abe Lincoln on it. SCORE!
- Then walked back to the coffee shop, had some delish fruity iced tea
- Met up with some different friends
- Convinced friends that it would be the perfect day to go to Friendly's because they are having the meal, drink, and dessert deal for $9.99
- Friends catered to my whim regarding the food
- Came home, have had two beers and am watching XFiles.
Day 8 : Made It
Made it through the first week of blogging every day! Yay me!
However, I didn't make it through one of the things I wanted to do here, which was NOT change the layout/look of this page. Oh, some things I just can't help myself over. So I lost my blogroll and my Stellan badge, I'll have to get those back one of these days soon, but in the meantime, I might just keep looking for a look I like. Lots of L's.
Don't really feel like writing much, I'm not feeling focused right now, so maybe a collection of facts about me? Let's go:
However, I didn't make it through one of the things I wanted to do here, which was NOT change the layout/look of this page. Oh, some things I just can't help myself over. So I lost my blogroll and my Stellan badge, I'll have to get those back one of these days soon, but in the meantime, I might just keep looking for a look I like. Lots of L's.
Don't really feel like writing much, I'm not feeling focused right now, so maybe a collection of facts about me? Let's go:
- Seven days after my nineteenth birthday, I was electrocuted by my clothes dryer. At the hospital they called it a "flash by lightening strike" which means lightening passes through an object (the dryer vent on the outside of our house, through the dryer) and into you. I got hit in the shins, beneath both legs, and the force of the shock lifted me up off the ground, blew me back about four feet, where I landed on my butt and then smacked the back of my head into the floor. The doctor's at the hospital also called this "An Act of God," which I thought was bull. I call it "Having The Worst Luck Possible." I had to stay at the emergency room, getting numerous EKGs while the doctors debated on whether to shock my heart back into normal rhythem, but thankfully they didn't have to do that, and I was fine in the heart department. They told me to watch out for brown pee, because that means my kidneys were failing. Who knew one of the biggest threats of electrocution, after heart problems and burns, is kidney trouble? I do now! My legs, from the knees down, turned red, then dark red, then purple, then back down the ladder of bruising again. I couldn't feel anything below the knees for about a week, and when the feeling started coming back, it was pins and needles for another week, which was even more painful than the bruising. I was told I was very lucky that I had no burns. I agree. Now, I'm afraid of electricity. I hate thunderstorms, I hate plugging things into outlets, I hate static. I will not do laundry if it is raining, and I dont' care how unreasonable that sounds. I won't do it.
- I hate bananas. I don't know why, but I can't eat them. The smell of them makes me nauseous, and sometimes I gag. I can't be around people eating them, including my daughter, who loves bananas. I won't buy them for her. She eats them at her father's house and at her grandparents outs, but when she eats them at my parents house, I leave the room. I have no explanation for my loathing of bananas, but I don't think there is a more offensive smell in the world. I'd rather smell poop all day than bananas.
- I love history. Lately, I've pretty much only been reading non-fictional history books, or world events books, or political books. I am almost finished reading a book about the Mayflower, called "Mayflower" although it actually gets way more in depth than that, going on to talk about the settlers and their decendants, and their wars with the Indians. Since I live in New England, this book is particularly interesting, because so much happened here. After this, I'll be reading a biography on Henry VIII, which I bought because I started watching The Tudors on Netflix, and just knew right away the show was loosely based on actual events, it was just so way over the top. The best biography I ever read was one on Marie Antionette, a fascinating story (her poor children didn't deserve what they got), and my favorite historical work I've ever read, is most certainly A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn (GO READ THAT!) and, of course, our Constitution. If ever I am to return to college, which I would love to do but have so much trouble doing because it sucks all the free time out of my life, I would go back for General Studies with a focus in history, and take all the history and law classes I could. However, I am not sure how practical that would be, because what do you do with a history major these days? I certainly don't want to be a teacher.
- I have a lot of aches and pains. Some people call me a hypochondriac, but I disagree. I learned a long time ago that if you are feeling pain, that means your body is telling you that something is wrong with it, so you should do something about it. Two winters ago, I started feeling awful pains in my back, mostly at night. The pain was right in the middle of my back - not my shoulders, not my lower back which just aches a lot from sitting down all the time - but just below my shoulder blades. Stretching didn't help, massage didn't help, and no one could tell me what parts were behind there that could be hurting so bad. One night the pain got terrible, unbearable, and I had my mom drive me to the emergency room at three in the morning. I was given pain medication immediately and sent for a CT Scan. My gallbladder was blocked with stones, five times its normal size, and horribly infected. I had an operation to remove it within hours. It was an emergent situation. Listen to your body, people! Anyway, my hips hurt a lot, mostly when it rains. Everyone in my family has had arthritis, and my mother, and both maternal grandparents have had their knees replaced. That's right, six knees that came before me have failed. My mom was only fifty when she had hers replaced. I figure I'm well on my way to a joint replacement, but I fear it might be my hips and not my knees. Double ouch. I also think I might have the beginnings of tendonitis or carpal tunnel, because oh, how my hands and wrists hurt at the end of the day. Evidently I type too much. Well, sorry hands and wrists of mine, because the only time I'm going to stop typing is when I'm dead. Or when words flow directly from brain to screen. Lastly, I have this thing on my arm, a new mole, a mole that doesn't look like any other mole I've ever had, and I'm fearing it's skin cancer. Go ahead, I see what you're thinking. You think I'm a hypochondriac. Well, I thought I had a backache and I had an organ that needed removing. Perhaps its best to err on the side of caution and milk my health insurance for all its worth while I still am fortunate enough to have it.
